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| Last night was the perfect summation of what has been an important semester for me. These past few months really may have been the most important of my life. I really don't know what to say about it all in retrospect. I'm happy though. I'm afraid to say that, because I am always afraid to say that, but it's true. I feel really pleased with all that has changed and molded. I think things are going to be really different for me when I get out of here, and I'm really looking forward to it.
I sure will miss it though. It's times like these when none of us really have class or anything, but we're all here in Columbus so we have all this time to just hang out and cut loose that I really realize how much I have loved it here. Of course, Columbus is a lame ass town, and I doubt I'd ever be able to adjust to this place permanently, but I have loved going to school here. It really is a nice town to go to college in. I have had so much fun here. I am going to miss that one waffle house where the people know Mac and me because we go there so often. I'm going to miss that riverwalk and Beloos and even the hooka bar that I never go to anymore because it got lame, but used to be fun. I'll miss the cantina and fountain city that house on 1st ave where everyone and there mother seems to have lived in at some point with nick joseph. I'll miss my apartment some, but I'll really miss Mac's apartment. It was such a huge day for us when we brought the first boxes in here. I loved him so much that day, but it seems like nothing compared to how much I love him now. This place is a wreck. It's always a wreck, but I love it here. Mac and I have had some of our most fun times here, watching movies, making wine, fighting, just talking. I will miss his back porch. I will miss sitting out there on the glider just talking with him, but I know we'll do plenty of hanging out on a new porch soon. It isn't just Mac I have memories here with though. That's the thing. I have hung out with so many of my friends here. Somehow this place will always symbolize to me the beginning of my adult life. I'll miss the dorms too. I lived there for two years and I still hang out there a lot. Man I'll miss everything. the target, the windixie, the spectrum, the house on springer street where everyone else and their mother have lived with barrett. the new theatre building, the old theatre building, one arsenal, studio B, room 120. I don't know how all of this got so sappy. I mean I still have 5 months left before I leave, but I've just been thinking back a lot lately. I don't even want to talk about how much I will miss my friends. Ew.
I'm glad I ended up here. I have no regrets. Things could have been so different, but I don't think I'd want it that way. I feel like I need to take time to appreciate all this now, because next semester I know I'll have senioritis and will be so ready for the wedding and leaving and moving on that I won't remember that I actually love this stupid town that I hate.
I think back on who I was when I first got here, and it's funny to me. Growth comes so quickly you don't see it.
Last night was so fun. It wasn't anything too special or out of the ordinary I guess, but I loved it.
who knows if i will still feel any of this tomorrow, or even later today. But right now I'm happy.
cool.
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| I have basically been continuously angry for about a month now. I am so fed up with everyone. I need a break from my life. I just hate everything and everyone right now.
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| I feel like I am so angry and/or frustrated with so many areas of my life right now, and I don't like it. I'm really feeling to urge to push everyone away right now and hang out with people I haven't been as close with. This all feels so stupid. I am pleased with so much in my life as far as the long run goes, but the short term is stressful and there are some things I am just tired of worrying about. I've been fitting in a lot of alone time lately and it has been nice. I am starting to feel like my old self again in a lot of ways, and yet I can tell I am someone completely new. I'm in some situations I don't know how to fix, but I really want to a lot. I hate feeling so paralyzed. I don't know if any of what I just typed makes sense.
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| I don't like the way you make me feel.
in general and about myself.
So I guess that's that then.
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| What a strange week end.
Sometimes I don't know what comes over me. I've been a whirl wind of emotions lately. I've been feeling this on and off kinda sense of freedom I don't know how to deal with. I actually somehow ended up dancing at a club. I was VERY drunk, and I totally regretted it the next morning, but still. The fact that it happened is a little weird for me.
I'm very apprehensive about God's Ear tech. My thoughts are very scattered.
I've missed Mac this weekend. We have barely seen each other. I can't wait until after rehearsal tonight when we can hang out. I can't wait until the wedding. I'm nervous to move to a new place where I won't know anyone and won't be able to visit family whenever I want.
I'm nervous about everything.
nervous nervous nervous.
all the time.
My circle of friends in all areas of life seems to be shifting. Some aspects of that make me sad. People have to change, but I never want them to.
I got my ring back, and now it's PERFECT.
I don't know what to say to the priest. Getting married is so much more complicated than I anticipated. All these problems. I just want the wedding to be here. I just want Mac to come home. :(
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